12 Traits Suggesting that “Queen Victoria” from the Bachelor is a Toxic Narcissist
Toxic narcissism is on everyone’s minds these days:
The concept of toxic narcissism is on a lot of peoples’ minds these days, whether we’re seeing it in politics, in our families, or in fictional stories onscreen, and that’s why I was so interested to see an example of it on this season of the Bachelor, exemplified by one of the contestants, a woman who calls herself “Queen Victoria.”
Just the fact that she presented herself from the start as a “queen,” and came out of the limo wearing a crown, was an indication that here might be a person with some serious narcissism. Of course, once we got to observe her behavior, everything became clearer.
Before I go on, I have to say that I have never met Victoria L. and I haven’t done an assessment of her, so I am in no position to make a diagnosis. On the other hand, as a member of the general public who occasionally watches the show, I’ve been free to observe Victoria’s behavior and to make note of anything that seems problematic. And I’ve observed how many of this woman’s behaviours point to toxic narcissism.
What is toxic narcissism?
It’s an extreme form of self-involvement that can cause a good deal of harm to others. Narcissists are highly self-centered individuals but they aren’t necessarily hurtful. You might know one or more narcissists in your personal or professional life. These are the people who make everything about themselves and who can be, to a greater or lesser degree, clueless and insensitive toward others.
Narcissists are everywhere. They’re our parents, our teachers, our spouses, our neighbours and our politicians. They’re our doctors, our lawyers and our friends. Most of them can be a bit annoying in the way they’re so oblivious to our needs and feelings and so preoccupied with their own, but very few of them are likely to be toxic. The difference between a regular narcissist and a toxic one is that the latter can be extremely destructive.
The toxic narcissist combines the self-centeredness and cluelessness of the ordinary narcissist with a degree of hostility and over-entitlement that enables them to justify any amount of horrible behavior on their part. Which brings me to Queen Victoria.
In observing her behavior over the past few weeks, I’ve made note of several things that she has said and done that suggest she might be a toxic narcissist. I’m going to list a number of traits that pertain to toxic narcissism, and I’ll give examples of some of Victoria’s behavior that seem to correspond with these traits.
The 12 traits of a toxic narcissist:
1. Feeling special and superior in the absence of any evidence to support this: It was clear from the start that Queen Victoria felt better than all the other women. On the night when she was finally sent home, she vented to the producers saying that, “there’s no one in here he can marry besides me… I’m… the best option for him, and… I’m the only one with a working brain in this room, and I’m not even being rude. I’m being serious.”
2. Feeling entitled to special treatment: Victoria always felt that she should get a pass for her hurtful comments and that Matt had to give her more understanding and reassurance than he gave to the others.
3. Extreme defensiveness when challenged: When she was confronted about her aggressive put-downs toward others, she refused to acknowledge her behavior and threw it back in the other girls’ faces.
4. Feeling attacked when someone points out their bad behaviours: When Katie asked her to stop saying nasty things about the other girls she said that Katie owed her an apology for being hurtful to her. Like a typical toxic narcissist, she felt like a victim when asked to stop victimizing others.
5. Feeling completely entitled to their bad behavior: When Katie told her that talking smack about the others was not okay, she said that she was just expressing herself, that she had a right to do so, and that she had no intention of stopping.
6. Excessively jealous and competitive: When Catalina came in wearing the crown she had legitimately won as a pageant queen, Victoria — who also fancied herself a queen — snatched the crown right off Catalina’s head and put it on her own. Catalina stood there in stunned silence, astounded by Victoria’s rudeness.
7. Minimizing and rationalizing their bad behavior: When Victoria was apologizing to Catalina for having stolen her crown, she said that she was “just being playful,” and during the rose ceremony later that evening, she said that “I’m not malicious. I have a good heart,” despite having said some very malicious things about the other contestants while on the show.
8. Assuming that everyone sees them the way they see themselves — as delightful and charming: When she was sent home, Victoria said, “I would be very surprised if the girls are… OK that I left. The whole house is gonna feel like s*** that I’m gone… I brought so many people joy.”
9. Extreme insensitivity and callousness toward others — no empathy or remorse: When others pointed out that she was being hurtful, it didn’t move Victoria in the least. She didn’t seem to care who she hurt, as long as she got what she wanted.
10. Engaging in projection: During her last rose ceremony she asked, “Does Matt really want a wife that’s constantly creating drama? Or does he want a wife like me?” The irony is that Victoria was the one creating the majority of the drama on the show and the only “drama” Katie was creating was in trying to get Victoria, and some of the others, to stop being so abusive.
11. Unable to take any responsibility for their actions: Nothing anyone could say or do could get Victoria to own up to any of her bad behavior or to sincerely apologize for it. Her apology to Catalina only happened after Matt had confronted the group about bullying, and afterwards, Catalina said that she didn’t see Victoria’s apology as sincere.
12. Rage and contempt when rejected: After she was not given a rose, she said to Matt, “I honestly feel so sorry for you that you would listen to hearsay and not all of the facts behind a situation. So goodbye,” and this was after they’d had a conversation in which she could have clarified her actions to him. She also said to the producers after she was eliminated that, Matt was “not my king, and I am still a queen. Matt is a jester. The fact that, like, he chose Katie over me, ugh. Yeah, Matt, I feel sorry for you with your choices.”
Again, I’m not in a position to diagnose Victoria L. but if you consider the 12 traits of a toxic narcissist, Queen Victoria seems to demonstrate every single one. Take a look at the list and decide for yourself.
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