You Still Have Time This Summer to Learn to Let Go of Your Kids
Summer is winding down and we’re soaking up the last little bit of it before we send the kids back to school and gear ourselves up for the new academic year.
In the meantime, parents have the option to maximize the benefit of the last few weeks of summer by instilling into their kids some positive attitudes and skills.
In this era of helicopter parenting, children are not getting the opportunity to develop strong social and academic skills. Kids aren’t getting a chance to learn emotional intelligence or resilience.
Parents can choose to use these last few weeks of summer to work on developing these attitudes and attributes in their kids.
According to Julie Lythcott-Haim, former dean of freshmen at Stanford University and author of How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success, children need help from their parents and teachers in growing up to be confident, competent and productive members of society.
In an LA Times article by Patt Morrison, Lythcott-Haims describes how middle-to upper-middle-class parents have so much fear about all the bad things that could happen to their kids that they overprotect them and deprive them of the opportunity to build self-reliance.
She says that working-class families are too busy trying to pay the bills and put food on the table, so kids from these families aren’t overprotected in the same way and as a result, grow up more capable of functioning at school and in their future jobs.
If you’re a parent who finds yourself guilty of doing too much for your kids and overprotecting them, you can start repairing the situation right now. You can decide to take the month of August and teach your kids some things that will help them to succeed in the coming school year.
Give your child an August project. Whatever this is, make sure that your kid sticks with it and completes it, so that they have the experience of agency, persistence and confidence.
Give your child regular chores to do. Whether it’s mowing the lawn, cleaning out the closets or re-varnishing the deck at the cottage, these chores will build a sense of responsibility and empowerment.
Have your older kids baby-sit the younger ones. This will teach them responsibility, cooperation and empathy. Have the younger ones participate in household chores, showing them that they’re important, integral parts of the family.
Also, stop rewarding kids for just showing up. Don’t give them a prize for attendance. That’s an expectation they ought to meet. Don’t reward kids for doing their summer school homework or their chores. Again, these are things they should be doing which ought not be seen as special or meriting an award.
Raise your expectations for your kids socially, athletically and academically. Let them know that you respect them and believe them and that this is why you expect more from them.
Also, leave your kids be. Don’t take on the responsibility for entertaining them. If they’re bored, tell them to figure out what they can do for fun. Provide them with art supplies, books and sports equipment and let them use all this however they decide.
Let your kids run around, fall down and skin their knees. Don’t rush over with the first aid kit every time they get a bump or a scrape. Teach them to develop some toughness, both physically and mentally.
By taking the next month to push your kids in the ways they need to be pushed and to back off from them in the ways you need to back off, you’ll be giving your kids a huge advantage in the year to come.
Your kids will be more self-sufficient, confident, competent and resilient. Instead of struggling with insecurity, inadequacy, feelings of being overwhelmed and social difficulties, they’ll meet the new school year with the skills and attitudes guaranteed to see them thrive.
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